I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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