She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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