Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
