If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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