did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
