you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
