I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
