i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
