Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize