btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
