What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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