dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
a search helicopter?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
