Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
