im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
