12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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