Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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