It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
