I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
