Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
