We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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