..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
