I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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