Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize