I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
