I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
