It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
