im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
