i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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