My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
