I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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