Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
