At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
