It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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