he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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