I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
