i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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