Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
