you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
