So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
