the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
