we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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