The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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