I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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