What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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