It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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