A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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