Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We have so much sex to catch up on
Brb crying the tears of my youth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
