Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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