I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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