Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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