He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
