You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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