I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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