Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
