you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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