I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
