hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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