Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
