omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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