Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
