Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
