my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
