I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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