I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
