Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
