i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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