I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
