It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
