i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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