U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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