Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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