he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
