had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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