it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
